The power of forgiveness...

Hey Guys,

Well it feels like a lifetime since I last submitted a blog but I'll be honest in saying that since my last one 'Heart is where the home is' life has certainly been putting my stamina and resilience tools and techniques into full drive. And hey so many close ones seem to have a similar story to tell (there must be something in the air lol), but like I always say make the best out of every great, good and grimy situation ; )

So what do I want to share to share with in the few minutes I have to blog today (got my last meeting at 17:30pm and then a full evening of gymming and scriptwriting ahead). Well simply this, based on my experience more so over the past few months I have come to the realisation that no matter how hard, how challenging and uncertain life seems sometimes - whether that be because you've had a loss(es), ineffective gain(s) also know as burdens or simply feel as though you'll never reach those goals sometimes. If you ensure that you have a strong sense of your ultimate purpose, self and a secure network of trusted close ones to lean on (through the good and the bad times) then believe me when I say you can handle anything that life will throw at you! As long as you know what you stand for, what you want and what you can positively give to life then happiness will always prevail. However, what I want to focus the next few moments on (as it is something I'm working on) is the power of forgiveness because sometimes to fully move on from a not so great situation, you have to reflect, reset and forgive... and here are some rational reasons as to why you should use this powerful phenomenon to help you walk away from any challenges (also known as b*#l sh*t ha ha) that passes your way.

The idea of forgiveness is simple - Just let go of all of your resentments and anger. Simple yes it may seem, but the practice of forgiveness can sometimes prove difficult. This is because some of us hold on to our resentments because they "seem so justified". And some people actually get pleasure from their resentments. But the cost we pay for holding on to resentment is very high as they are very stressful and weigh us down with the inflated burdens of the past.
Holding resentments does not punish the other person, it punishes us and since humans are not omniscient, or infallible, mistakes are inevitable for all of us. When we understand and accept human fallibility, it becomes much easier to forgive the mistakes other people, and even our own.

The benefits of forgiveness are huge but here are few:

-Relief of emotional and physical stress,
-Freedom from the pain of the past,
-Greater happiness in the present and
-Greater health and well-being.

"We seek to understand rather than judge". The Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, defines forgivable as “something that you are able to forgive because you understand it.” Forgiveness comes from understanding how people act and make decisions

Forgiveness does not change the past. What ever happened ... has happened .... it is done! But our feelings about the past can change! (remember the glass can always be half full if you allow it to be). The amazing benefit of forgiveness is this - When we make peace with the past, forgiveness frees us to enjoy ... a better, healthier, happier life right now!
...so make that phone call, send that text/BB or email or simply forgive instinctively (whether within your own thoughts and/ or even by prayer)... that way you should be able to continue to stand up for your morals and beliefs and more importantly work towards those goal(s) (with your ultimate purpose in mind of course)...

And last but by no means least - please don't LLL! (LIVE THE LOTTERY LIFE - waiting for big winnings to come along without putting in the hard work babeee! Yeh I should patent that... done lol Actually I think that will be the title of the next blog - research in underway!)

Till next time - live and love life in abundance,

Redibow x x x

The misadventures of Awkward Black girl...

Although I'd absolutely love to copyright this title, I'm merely paying homage to (arguably) the best webisode series in the history of mankind and the brainchild of directer Issa Rae.

Ok, slight exaggeration.

But the sheer joy and giddyness I get when a new episode pops up on my youtube timeline? *squeals*.

You know the feeling you get when you stumble on something that's so unique? So fresh? So different? So real? You resonate with it? Heck. It's basically your memories unfolding on screen, as you indulge in an assortment of sugary snacks and sink deeper beneath your covers.

It's special because it's yours and you will not share it. You're scared if it blows up, hollywood will greedily snatch it away and transform it into a cheesy romcom.

I've seen it happen and I can't have that happen to this.

*Le sigh*

"The misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" follows J as she navigates through the sheer uncomfortablity of life situations. She's awkward dammit, and she fails when she tries to hide it!

We see J deal with her passive aggressive issues in the workplace.

We see J deal with the awkwardness of the hallway.

We see J find an awkward best friend

We see J deal with the attractive office [female dog] who not only beats her to a promotion, but will stop at nothing to ridicule her in front of the new office hottie

We see J deal with her overwhelming feelings to this new office hottie and with obvious hilarity ensuing, we have an endless cycle of awkwardness.

I love J because she represents, to a certain extent, who I was for a sizeable chunk of my early teen years (trickling into some early adulthood experiences).

And I'm sure many of us as can surely relate to a moment in time when we didn't know our worth. When we allowed insecurities to hinder us from living and achieving goals. When we allowed our voices to be silenced and our light to be clouded and hidden in the shadows....When we, without guidance, embarked on destructive paths.

I sit and watch this series and it reminds me how far I've come. I would still be J had my network abandoned me. Had I allowed my relationship with God to flounder when I hit a low point in me life (and I've hit many). Had I allowed my inner critic to rob me of my vision. I haven't got it all together, but unlike J, I now know my worth.

Issa Rae, I salute you for the hilarious and eye-opening series that is ABG. You've had me in stitches, you've had me contemplating and you've had me resonating. 

I'm finally ready to share you with the world. It would be only fair....

[Warning for our under 18 readers: Contains some expletives]

Make sure you guys check out Episode 1 and 4!

Significance

Lately I've been going through so many personal changes. When I started this year I had no idea how it would play out, I actually thought it would be a gap year basically a year where I waited for change to happen and things to work out!

How negative is that?? But then I thought to myself if thats really what the outlook is likely to be I had to make changes and I had to make them fast. The fear of a mediocre life propelled me into action. I thought no way am I simply sitting back and letting life pass me by if I'm not happy then change is required.

That was it I started acting in faith, making decisions not fully knowing where or how I would get to where I wanted to be but taking steps towards that place regardless. I started putting myself in uncomfortable situations, pushing myself further and further outside of my comfort zone.

Yet still things weren't changing at the pace I wanted them to, I wanted the life of my dreams and I wanted it now, not in a years time not even in six months time but right now.

This pushed me to keep searching for the answer, I covered this a little in my last post I've made it my mission to study successful people and their journey to where they are now. Not having a great deal of spare time I started to think of ways I could learn on the go and started to listen to podcasts. One of the people I started to listen to was Zig Ziglar, he is a crazy american infamous motivational speaker and sales expert. From the time I started listening to him I have learnt many things, so many wonderful insights but one I would really like to share is what he states as the stages of progress in the life of a successful person.

Stage 1- Survival- life is about covering the basic's, paying the bills and keeping your head above water.

Stage 2- Security- I see this as if you were to loose your job or some unpredictable event was to happen you would feel secure to deal with it, you would feel confident that you had the resources or ideas to not only survive but thrive.

Stage 3- Success- Not only are you secure but you are comfortable no more than that you feel a great sense of a achievement in life, you feel like a winner, you feel as if you've created and contributed to something worth while. I guess its a sense of personal mastery, accomplishment and recognition.

Stage 4- Significance- Now this is where it gets good, great even. Not only are you personally successful but you are so successful that you are able to affect,  change, enhance, impact and alter for the better the lives of many people. When I say many I'm talking 100's, 1000's even you are making a lasting contribution to the lives of others. It extends far beyond the self, beyond your family and immediate friends etc.

Now this is just my interpretation, but for some reason this has had such a lasting impact on my consciousness. In many ways I still feel as if I am at stage 1, not just from a financial perspective but from a mental perspective too. However rather than feeling really dis-hearted about it I feel the most excited I have felt in such a long time.

Currently I'm listening to James Caan's audio autobiography (if you have an iPhone download it whilst its free!) but this is a great example of a mans life that has passed through all of the above stages. It resonates with me, I see how powerful an idea/s, faith, diligence and perseverance can take you all the way from stage 1  right through to stage 4.

I'm at the starting block, but its not a race its a journey and I have butterfly's in my belly because stage 4 here I come!

I've found out a great way to keep on track with pursuing your progress too but I'll see how it goes for me over the next month and I'll share it with you all next time.

Until then stay gifted and highly favoured.

Lele xx

Who are you?

There are many challenges in life but I think one that we can all relate to is the challenge of ourselves. We struggle so many times with the thin line (or not!) between who we are and who we want to be. Even thinnner than that the line between who we think we are and who we actually are. Thats where I come in.

Going to university was like a no brainer for me. Neither of my parents were university graduates but I have a few aunts and uncles who have been and it was so obvious to me that I too would be going. I already knew the exact course too (music and dance) and thought that deciding where to go would be just as easy as all the above...little did I know it wasn't. I bet now you're all going through your experiences in your own minds of the visits and countless interviews that took place. My dilemma was not on whether or not this was an acceptable university to go to but whether or not I was a suitable student. Say what?!?!

There is University A (No names listed to avoid offending anybody who went or attends) and University B (where I ended up!). Both universities offered my preferred course and I wanted to be somewhere where I thought I would grow in professional development and as an artist/performer. Uni B had more modern facilities and seemed to really be involved in the progression of the course as well as the student and seemed to be open to each students desires and specific areas of interest. Uni A didn't seem as open to other genres and practices but still showed promise and was also going through major cosmetic refurb. I knew where I wanted to go but as I approached decision making time that thin line between who I thought I was and who I actually was appeared blocking my way and stopped me from making the decision I wanted to.
You see when we think we're not worthy, when we listen to lies about our capabilities we change route and jump off track and start heading in another direction even though we know full well that while we may still lack in some areas we can do that which is before us; we'll just need to work at it. If I had only knew that then! My thoughts were "well, I think I'd like to go to Uni B its just that I don't think Im good enough. Look at all the other people who'd be going here..." blah blah blah. Not to mention family members saying that its too far to travel x y z. All that right there created a melting pot of excuses and supposed reasons not to go to Uni B.

So yes you guessed right! I end up at Uni A. I was unhappy for a whole academic year. I almost ended up hating the subjects I love and have a passion for. It was ultimately a waste of time and student loan. All this because I thought I was not who I should've been to attend. Folks, don't doubt who you are and your abilities. Know your capabilities but be confident in who you are and the offers placed before you.
I did eventually go to Uni B (huraaaay!) and wish I had the confidence to go there from the start. I ended up back on track. Some people don't and just sit through their university life unhappy. Don't be one of those but assess your situation and confidently make changes.

This situation has been used for my good! Now I can come to situations in life and before making decisions I can erase the thin line of who I think I am and look at who I actually am! I can be confident in that and recognise that if the door is open to something that seems a little bigger than me, or to something that seems more than I can handle then I remember I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


Be encouraged!

Are you the American or the fisherman?

In the Pride Magazine this month the publishers letter was based on an old parable about a fisherman. I've heard it a few times before, albeit the fishermans changed nationalities, but the basis of the story has stayed the same. I'd like to share it with you as it helped me find a balance in my life between chasing my dreams and the little things that make me happy.

I moved to London 5 yrs ago to go to uni and stayed because of a job offer. There was a time where I worked very long hours and got caught up in the constant rat race. I'd get to the weekend desperate for sleep, manage to do most of the basic things I didn't get to do in the week and before I knew it it was Monday morning and I was getting ready for work. I had very little time to travel to Birmingham to see my family and friends and got caught up chasing my dreams. There's nothing wrong with having goals, I'm still working towards mine, but I have changed the pace of my life and have taken control to ensure that I get to do the little things that make me happy.

There's a few things you can take from the story below, whatever it means to you, I hope it helps you on your journey through what we call life : )

THE MEXICAN FISHERMAN PARABLE

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the
American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs ... I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps 25 years," replied the American.

"And after that?" the Mexican asked.

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Mel x

Speak out, someone needs to hear it!

Voice

2. a particular opinion or attitude expressed...

Hiyee

I was sitting and thinking the other day about how cool it is that we have this blog, that as young women we have an arena to express our thoughts and what is on our hearts with the ultimate goal of encouraging others... it's amazing! I seriously believe that influence and encouragement can change a nation/people. I most certainly have made changes in my life and took certain steps as a result of being influenced or for want of a better word 'inspired' by someone else.

I attended Question Time a couple of weeks ago which was a great experience. It made me realise the importance of speaking out on issues which mean something to you. I love a good debate and as you may know Question Time is all about debate and airing personal views on current issues that have been in the main news that week.

Sitting in the audience of QT made me realise that we all have something to say & what we have to say may influence someone else - for better or for worse ;-)

We learn so much by reading other people's works, listening to other people's words and watching other people's actions. It made me think about my own actions.. "what are people picking up from me" "how am I influencing others" "am I inspiring anyone"... I'm working on all three.

Now I'm not saying that I've suddenly turned into Zora Neale Hurston or Maya Angelou and have lots of wisdom to share but maybe just maybe I can share something that will help someone else. Even at work during our day to day routine we can always share a nougat of wisdom and knowledge. Whether it being a computer programme shortcut or a profound piece of ground breaking research.. let's share what we know.

"Tell them about how you're never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there's always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter and hotter, and if you don't speak it out one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside."
— Audre Lorde