…The week before last (a few days before I was due to blog) on Sat 5th March I had been very excited and was looking forward to waking up in the morning to get ready to go to church. Though I have been brought up going to church and spent many a Sunday attending the local Sunday school with my nan and mom, since my late teens the Sunday morning service had been slowly dwindling to near none existence. Going clubbing with friends and stumbling in at 4am on Sunday morning to be awoken at 9am after 4hours sleep was the last thing I had in mind, so Sunday services were put on the back burner, left for more special occasions such as Mothering Sunday and Easter Sunday. Then moving away to uni meant church was once again not high up on my priority list, again ashamed to say I made various excuses.... I had no one to go with, didn’t know what church to go to and felt I didn’t need to go to church to proclaim my beliefs?! After all I had my Bible laid constantly at the side of my bed as a constant reminder of the need to pray and be thankful and count our blessings each and every day so again church was left to the back burner.
So I finally came to the realisation that there was something missing in my life and I needed and wanted to get back into regular Sunday service attendance, so I decided that I would take the opportunity of relocating to Leeds to go with my partners sister two Sundays ago. That was until I was awaked early hours of Sunday morning to the devastating news that my 22yr old cousin had been run over by a taxi driver and had passed away.
I was consumed with uncontrollable emotions, shock, upset, confusion and doubt. How could the lord take such a beautiful, kind, caring person away from us, in the blink of an eye and in such a devastating and unexplainable way, someone who had so much more of life to live, who was so ambitions, was going to uni and had just started to build the foundations of life.
Yes, I doubted our mere purpose & existence in this world and my faith in the lord above to watch over us and protect us. People offer words of comfort….‘they have gone to a better place’, ‘the lord always takes the good ones’, ‘the lord needed an angel’. But how could he be in a better place, what better place is there than here living your life, being with your family and friends?!
I wanted and needed answers, answers to so many questions that I still do not have. How the lord could take such a promising life with so much to give, so much to live for and was so loved by all his friends and family I asked myself? Yes myself, not the lord (as my close friend and fellow blogger Lele reminded me of during a call that left me reflecting). Maybe I should keep praying, keep talking to the lord, even in anger and upset, ask him over and over again, why lord, why? So I keep asking in hope that one day I will in some form of another be given an answer and some form of peace in my confusion and anger that I may better understand. How do we know the life we are living and the world as we know it is the better place? We don’t! we just have to put our trust in the lord. The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away, no matter how hard I have to try to understand and be thankful that he gave us a precious gift, an angel in the form of my cousin Ashley Ebanks.
Life Is.....
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
"Live life, live loving & love living"
Stay gifted, blessed and highly favoured
Zen xxx
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