Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better!!!

Again, I've run through several blog ideas over the past few days. This time round though, less panic and worry, more which topic should I pick.

So I get up this morning and decide that the plan I made last night (to go to the gym at 7am) probably wasn't going to be achieved as stupidly, I went to bed at approx 2:30am.

So now recovered from the car trauma of a few weeks ago, I decide that I actually enjoyed all that walking while she was getting fixed and decided that the local journey's I had to make today would be on foot. So I didn't feel so bad about not getting to the gym.

I decide to make pancakes for breakfast so walk to the shop for some milk (ignoring the lactose/dairy intolerance, after all I only need a little drop to smooth out the mixture.) I come back and the first batch wasn't so great, second batch was better, third batch could've given Betty Crocker a run for her money! Pleased with myself I continue getting ready to leave, realising that I have wasted away the whole morning I feel a little deflated. Furthermore I now have to drive to get the time back, so the leisurely stroll (combined with momentary power walking to replace the interval training) wasn't going to happen.

I sit on the rocking chair to reflect and think, okay lets write my blog now so I don't have to come back to do it later and I can still walk and get most of the things done. Laptop loaded up, ready to go...and the internet pages don't load. So I close the browser, and try again...and again...and again...server and dns problem. It's okay, I'll just write something on my phone and send it to a friend to upload for me.

While I was out doing my ones and twos a few thoughts were running through my mind

"There's always something to do, my designated day off and I'm rushing around to get things done"

"My business plan still needs work and even though I'm putting the hours in I feel like there's so much more to do"

"Out of a folder full of manuscripts on my laptop, why are so many incomplete"

"I've taken a fortnight off from the gym so now I'm going to feel like I've started over and I've put it off another day"

So I treat myself to a hot chocolate from Costa and sit and think "Why can't I just get my big break? Its so hard juggling all these things and there's never enough hours in the day." I walk back to the car, give someone way who doesn't say thank you, smile anyway, get back home and look at my paperwork that doesn't seem to go down, look at the broken shredder and remember I forgot to pick another one up while I was out...then smile like a crazy person! Yes, you read it right, I started smiling. Because I looked at all these little things and realised they were just that, little things! Little things that could all be resolved. Little things that I could resolve if I really wanted to. Little things that were perfectly within my control and my power to change. But instead of fixing them, I've let them build up to a point where it gets a little harder to resolve. Then I thought about a conversation I had with a friend over the weekend and I said out loud (in an empty house, but who cares) "Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better."

So I'm going to up my diary game, I'm not just having one for business stuff, I'm having a personal/general one too. Even though I don't live in a student house any more and it's only me, I'm going to do a rota and stick to it. I'm going to have a schedule so in the middle of working on those manuscripts that need editing, I won't be popping into the kitchen to put another load in the machine. And even though I know all of these things and I've done it in the past, it's like the day I left uni I put some of the valuable things on the shelf with the uni life too. And at the moment I'm transitioning from working a full time job as an employee, to having the flexibility/responsibility of working for myself and managing my time on my own terms.

It's so easy to be sidetracked by the little everyday things and even though I've got a vision and a basic plan to get there, I need to put more effort into the journey and focus because I know my capabilities and all of these things are well within them! So from today going forwards, I'm not going to wish it was easier, I'm going to wish I were better and be better in the process!

Peace, love & hairgrease

Nuevo Mel : )