But I Gotta Get Up

No one tells you how much of a juggling act adulthood is! God, family, work, friends, social life, dating, writing, cleaning my apartment, reality TV show watching... And my schedule has only gotten tighter since my book got published. I spend many weekends on the road now, promoting Powder Necklace and if I'm not heading out of town, I'm doing something else to support the book.

I'm not complaining -- I eat up every minute of it, but I often have to stop myself from thinking about the next thing I have to do, just to stay focused in the present moment. And yet there's SO much more I wish I could cram into my days -- like a huge bag I can continue to dump things into. LOL.

That's it. No resolution to this story just yet, but I will say, when I'm feeling overwhelmed by my desire to just stop -- which I recommend doing now and then -- and forget all my responsibilities, I repeat the refrain that ends one of my favorite Jill Scott songs: "But I gotta get up... I gotta, gotta, gotta!" Speaking of, I need to be up in 5 hours to get ready for church! G'night.

THINK-FEEL-ACT

As I type this blog, I'm travelling back on a noisy coach from London to Birmingham, after attending a days workshop on the topic of Community Engagement at Canary Wharf. Although I found the area itself a bit strange and grey, with lots of symbols and allsorts standing out to me, I have had a great day and learnt loads! I am well tired now though. Anyhow, thought I would seize the moment (Nicole ;-)) and type my blog......

The topic I'm blogging on today is 'Think-Feel-Act' which is a term that many of you may be familiar with. Just to break it down, the way we THINK determines the way we FEEL which in turn determines the way we ACT.

Relating it to one of my personal experiences....ok, I never used to like going to the gym, although I would like all the benefits that come with it! So, before I'd even got there I'd already decided that I wasn't going to enjoy it, I would THINK that the machines would all be taken up, I'm gonna get all sweaty and have to wash my hair etc etc. Then I would begin to feel as though it was a chore and I didn't FEEL like going. Then my ACTIONS would be a result of this as half the time I wouldn't end up going at all! Or if I did go, I would get there and have the exact same experience that I had thought about!!

Why???? Because what I thought had already caused me to feel negative about going to the gym so my feeling and actions were a manifestation of this.

Complete madness! You know that had to change, especially if I'm going to get into that dress I got lined up for a wedding in JA this year (just had to slip that one in!)

So, let's just say, I decided to begin to take more control over my thoughts. I now try and think about all the great things about going to the gym, like the effect it has on my body, the sauna and steam room treat after the workout etc and trust me, I feel a whole lot better about going, now I actually get there and enjoy it, most of the time!

How many times do we hold preconceived ideas, not just about trips to the gym but also towards people. I'm sure we are all guilty at some point of having a perception about someone or something, maybe based upon somebody elses opinion, so by the time we come into contact with that someone or something - we have already decided that we don't like it/them! Which then makes it a whole lot harder to break the barrier down. It all begins with a thought that has been cemented.

Is there one thing that you don't enjoy doing that you can change by re framing it? Can you change the way you think about it? Try it......and see the way you feel about it after taking actions based on more positive thoughts and feelings, its a much more pleasant experience :-)

Stay gifted & highly favoured!

Melissa xx

What are you?

I was raised in a two-parent household. I grew up reading Anansi and singing songs from Mango spice.  Wooden sculptures, pictures of smirking relatives, books on shelves filled with tales of travel, languages and African history. Coconut milk was usually in the fridge, half a scotch bonnet, a few dutch pots with last nights stew chicken, and a wooden ashtray on the kitchen counter next to the Gleaner and Daily Mail.

Yup. I'm Caribbean. 

I was no more than 8. Dad's friends would cramp up in the living room and reminisce about back home. I would stay up excitedly to hear them lament about everything. For one night, they were experts on all things religious, political and historical. Patting their bellies like chiefs. Dad's smile widening revealing a gold tooth. Shouting at each other (Jamaicans tend to do that). Bonding.

"Mi ah tell yu Woody, lang time mi nuh see deh gyal deh, wah she name agen?"

"Bruk-foot pam mi boss, 

 "Yh mon, mi know di one yu a talk...She did h'ugly yu see!"

"Ee hee" (raucous laughter followed)

The "duppy" stories were the highlight. The Obeah man that would hang out "dung di bush", locals would avoid eye contact so as not to wake up with a pigs tale the following morning. The footless woman floating along the country trail?! The ghosts of the slaves from colonial Jamaica that would haunt the parishes at the fork roads. They say you can still hear the "shing shing" of the shackles. I was hooked!

Bedtime was a reality check though. Thoughts of monkey man snatching me in my sleep caused sleepless nights, bed wetting and a night light well into my early teens.

My parents introduced me to a culture of colours and passion. Something that was so concrete, rich and seemingly solid. It strengthened the foundation I stand on today, but it took me a while to figure out where I stood in it.

Early visits to Jamaica felt like a polar bear that had floated into Botswana on an iceberg. I was foreign. Everyone knew I was British before I opened my mouth. I exuded it. My relatives were fascinated by my nasal voice and the way I would lazily swallow my 't''s when asking for a glass of "wau'ah". 

Later on in my early adulthood I travelled to Jamaica with friends, I became more conscious of my "British-ness" and wouldn't dare speak more than two words in taxis for fear of being overcharged.

"Mmhmm" I would mumble. My native Jamaican friends adjusted. Became a bridge. Spoke the dialect beautifully. There was a kinship. Sounded like Jazz. Something I wasn't a part of. I became aware of how harsh my accent was. Remembered how I attempted Patois in the primary school playground, empowered with repeating the forbidden words Dad would shout in road rage. 

"Eediat bwoy, move yu ******** outta di B********T road!" 

I began to feel detached from the culture of my parents, deep down I resented feeling like I had two identities at war with each other. Dad rarely spoke to us in Patois, this was usually reserved for relatives and peers. 

Openly labelling myself as British had that "sell-out" stench to it, but then to my native Jamaicans I was a foreigner. Who was I then? 

My mum used to say 

"You're Jamaican first, British later. Noone can tell you different"

This never left my head. Arguments became a Britain bashing session. I swore I would abandon the country the first chance I got. Get me up and out of Babylon's system! (my "militant" days). I believed I had to pick one identity. Black and white. No grey area. My head was filled with romantic ideologies, constantly desiring to return to a "lost origin". The European identity served as a shameful reminder  of a colonial past. Dominating and subjugating the symbolic identity I yearned for. I rejected it (in word). My lifestyle was contradictory.

But I realised that my experience as a [Black] British Caribbean was defined by recognition of a necessary diversity. My cultural identity a result of this hybrid. Infact, 1970s saw an 'African' identity becoming historically available to the great majority of Jamaican people, at home and in the diaspora. An empowering moment where Jamaicans discovered a new level in their "blackness". No longer just "West Indians" but children of slavery.

'

A national culture is  the whole body of efforts made by a people in  the sphere of thought to describe, justify and praise the action through which that people has created itself and keeps itself in existence.

I am Black, African, Jamaican, British, a Londoner and a Woman. 

What are you?

Happiness is your BIRTHRIGHT– Step #1: True Love

The first step to claiming happiness is finding true love within ones self. You need to start by believing from the core of your spirit that you are deserving of the joy that you seek. Sometimes we unconsciously put up barriers that prevent us from achieving that of which we desire, simply because deep down we are not in tune with ourselves internally.

When you are fully in love with yourself, you only accept and expect the best for you personally and professionally as you KNOW your worth. The real authentic you will be revealed and embraced everyday regardless of your environment and who surrounds you. You simply ‘do you’.

You need to enter into this new relationship like you would do with any other. Spend time alone, until you can be by yourself and not feel lonely. It’s essential that you take time out to really get to know you, sit in silence and solitude, go within and listen. Like any new relationship, healing needs to be done in the past in order to transition into a positive future, you need to be willing to start a fresh. So, let go of regrets and the forgive ‘have dones’; no longer see yourself as a victim, take full control and power of your life. Grow to love your weaknesses, realise that without them you wouldn’t have strengths as everything has an opposite, where there are ups there are downs, where there is man there is woman. Find your strengths and take them to new levels. Write yourself love notes, send yourself presents, take yourself out on a date - treat yourself like the Queen you are. Finally, repeat this affirmation daily ‘I am love and I am loveable’, say it until you believe it, know it and celebrate it.

Always remember, true love and happiness starts and ends with nobody else but YOU.

Stay blessed,

Selina

ALLOW YOURSELF TO GROW

Ring ring....ring ring 


Mom: Hello 
Me: Urgh, they're dead again!


Mom: What you talking about?
Me: My plants, they're dead again 


Mom: Dain, have you been watering them?
Me: (insulted) I've been looking after them good since they came back from the hospital (my mom's house) 


Mom: Are they getting enough light?
Me: (again insulted) yes mother. They're sat on the window sill, how much more light can they get! (slightly irritated at this point)


Mom: Well are you pruning them?
Me: (silence).....Pruning? 


Mom: Yes Daina, you have to cut off the dead leaves to allow the new shoots to grow. 
Me: But...
Mom: No buts, prune the plants for crying out loud. I am not taking them in every-time you see two dead leaf. 
Me: (embarrassed) Alright alright 
Mom: Good. Now I got to go. I've got something on the fire and I can smell burning. Bye love. 
Me: Bye Mommy  

After I'd been so harshly roughed up. I took to my kitchen with a floor full of newspaper, plastic gloves, scissors and of course, the plants. Those who know me will confirm that I am not a domesticated person. I clean because I don't like mess and I cook because a girl got to eat. So it was no surprise to me that my plants were in such a terrible state because I hadn't been paying them enough attention.

As I began 'pruning' I thought back to when I was a nipper and I used to see my mom doing the same thing. I thought it's crazy how time flies. I remember watching my mom thinking, the time she's spending messing with that plant is ridiculous. Makes it worse she's talking to it. My mother used to tell me that plants could feel and hear everything and that talking to them was healthy. Of course I did start to wonder whether she was going slightly cuckoo but now,  decades on, whenever I pop round, there they all are George, Ruby & Co (yes, they have names) all taller and stronger than ever.

I continued to prune whilst thinking about the mechanics of what I was doing and what my mother had said; 'you have to cut off the dead leaves to allow the new shoots to grow'. I stared at my red leafed prayer plant for a moment to take in it's appearance. It was full and big but it still looked sick. So many of the leaves were brown and dead to a crisp, yet they were still attached to the beautiful red and green leaves that were full of life and ready for more. The dead leaves were taking up space in the plant pots, sucking the life out of roots that the living leaves were trying to drink from and ultimately holding back my beautiful prayer plant from being all that she could be. Yes I had been watering her and giving her light but I'd been mistaken in thinking that's all she needed. What she also needed was room to grow, room to become all she could be. Suddenly, I was hacking away at the dead leaves and found myself talking to her 'come on baby, mommy loves you. I'm gonna get rid of all these suckers and you just promise me you'll grow and become big and strong'.

As the words left my lips they began to resonate in my mind until I couldn't help asking myself, what about me? I looked at my prayer plant and saw the results of neglect and laziness. Thinking that I was doing enough had almost killed my baby, when really I hadn't done half of what I was supposed to do to make sure she was well and healthy. With that I grabbed my car keys, hopped in the car and headed off to B&Q. You see, not only had my neglect caused the dead leaves to remain, I'd also neglected to realise that my baby needed a new plant pot.

I wanted her to be all that she could be but I hadn't put her first!

In life it is easy to neglect ourselves. Not just in appearance but also in giving ourselves the space we need to grow. I thought about all the dead leaves I've held onto over the years and how much space they've taken up in my pot and in all honesty I wanted to kick myself...but I didn't. I asked myself why were they even there? Because they make me look fuller? more complete? but aren't they killing me below surface? sucking the nutrients out of my roots and making me look ugly? So ugly that no matter how much light or water I take in I'm not seeing the benefits? I was asking the questions and answering them at the same time. It was time to let go and shoot new roots. Take on a new pot, grow to fill it and if dead leaves came then make sure those suckers got pruned asap. When that pot was full, I'd buy another pot and so on and so on. Until one day I'd be as big, tall and strong as I want to be all because I took time to do a little bit of pruning and wasn't scared that for a short while I may not look as full and big as I used too.

My quote today comes from my beautiful mother, she says;


'when you let go of all the bad things you make room for God to fill you with more goodness'


Happy Pruning!


D x  

Think Big and have a Vision

When you sit down, think and take a look into the future what do you see for your life? Where are you? What are you doing? What have you achieved? I guess what I’m really asking is “Do you have a vision”?

The words “Think Big” tower above most other advice you will hear on how to succeed. In just two words, it lays out a plan for achieving your highest goals. Over the last month it has been impressed upon me through various inputs (daily Bible reading, Church, friends and family) that I need to continue to think big and hold on to the vision I have for my life.

My parents have always told me that I can be whatever I want to be through hard work, determination, perseverance etc etc. So I have always believed that I, you, we together can change the world. BIG thinking! However, I have to admit that a few times over the past couple of years my Big Thinking kinda shrunk. Looking back I can see that this was as a result of knockbacks, fallouts, taking too much of the world on my shoulders and dare I say it failure (I’ll come back to my new view of failure shortly*). Allowing these things to get to me and take root caused me to limit my thinking. I no longer wanted to change the world, I was just happy to coast and do ‘whatever innit’. Thankfully I have come back to my senses and the big thinking; visionary Nics is back in full effect! Come on, let’s ‘ave it!!

I am a strong believer in “what you think you become”. What you believe about your life is more important than what anyone else believes about you or may try to impress upon you. Negative expectations (of self) can often become self-fulfilling prophecies – I’ve been caught out a couple of times before (as noted above).

I really want to just encourage you to think Big. There’s a saying in the Bible that “without vision the people perish” (Proverbs 29v18 King James version) makes sense really doesn’t it. If you have nothing to aspire to or work towards then you’re just kind of floating and living. Hmm I’m sure that we all have some kind of vision and big dream of what we want to do with our lives deep down inside. Of course these are different for each and every one of us and it’s not all about making money and becoming famous, of course if this is your vision go for it 110%.

As the title of our blog states - you are gifted and highly favoured, you have amazing talents and skills and even more important than that there is no-one else on this earth who is exactly the same as you! You are unique! So take the limits off of yourself and continue to Think Big!

I promised myself that I’m going to keep today short and sweet so here are a few bullet points that came to me throughout the course of today:

· Write down your vision for the future, dream about your vision, plan out how you’re going to fulfil your vision, remember you’ll never seize it until you see it.

· Set markers for yourself – once you’ve achieved step 1 you’ll feel a great sense of achievement, and the passion and drive will rise up within you to go on to the next step in your master plan

· Seize opportunities you don’t think you can handle. You will prove yourself and make a big impression – you may jump from step 1 to step 10. Imagine that!!

· Put yourself in situations that make you nervous. Seek out high-stakes circumstances that challenge you because they promise the greatest growth (see quote by Terrie Williams below)

· Network and communicate with competent individuals who have already achieved what may be similar to your vision. Gain some inspiration.

· Take that inspiration and energy and put it into fine tuning your master plan – your vision may even change (ie get BIGGER) when you realise that what you can actually achieve is more than you first thought/envisioned.

· Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just take note of them and know what to do the next time round

· Remember that stumbling blocks can actually be stepping stones, don’t let them knock or limit your thinking

· Do not limit yourself to your surroundings, your background or socio-economic status

· *And finally “losers see failure and winners see beyond it”

To round off here are a couple of examples of people who have inspired me to think big:

Terrie Williams founded her own public relations firm, and represents giants of sport and entertainment. She started her company by walking up to Miles Davis (one of the greatest jazz musicians ever) and saying she wanted to represent him. He became her first client, and the next one was Eddie Murphy. She says that if she feels butterflies in her stomach before negotiating with powerful people, she knows she is in the right place, not coasting.

Dr. Ben Carson was said to be the dumbest kid in his fifth-grade class. Through a mother's love and guidance and his own hard work, Dr. Carson went from the bottom of the class to the top, becoming the youngest Chief of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins University Hospital. “whatever they can imagine they can achieve” Ben Carson

Think Big my lovelies....you can do it!

N x